Comfort's Refuge

Comfort's Refuge

I came into being in the morning.

Not one filled with light,
but the dark one that you wake to-
disoriented and stunted,
one's that fumble you into corridors.

The rays did not fill the halls,
nor light on any banister:
a holding
down the deep and perilous stairs.

The morning did not creep,
for it could head no further,
for time cannot be measured,
in the absence of it's source.

The sun did not preceive me;
being hidden beyond such ridge.
It did not ever know,
what strangeness it did miss.

But none the less it misses me,
ever more, the same-
Knowing somehow that something
is missing from the world.

It knows, and it tries to follow,
and it tries, and it succeeds,
for time- I wronged- is stronger,
than I first precieved.

I tried to run from it-
not as a child,
but in youth
remembering old ways

But now the paths curve backwards,
and I can't remember
the way home:
up and out the stairs.

They've changed as I have,
and have risen higher than I stepped down,
and I feel trapped,
longing for seconds, new moments.

And the mulling of time,
holds me down
in my basement,
the place I sought my refuge.

And others look for me,
time giggling in the corner beside me,
hear the footsteps above me,
my face more afraid than times.

He just smiles at me.
He- laughing in the dark,
knowing they look for him,
not me.

-Matthew Koutzun

Three Gifts

Three Gifts

Jesus,
that night,
in the place where you were born,
three wise men came to thee.

They came bearing gifts-
-one from each-

What'cha do with the money?
Where did it go?

Were you too charitible when you were too young?
Did you have a great trip?
Did your parents waste the funds?

I don't get it Jesus,
how you did it so well,
even without the money,
you made your way out of this hell.

-Matthew Koutzun

Untitled

Untitled

I came to the Night,
sought the elxir of love,
but he said, "No never."
And pulled down the covers to expose me,
and my intention.

He saw me naked,
how I shivered in the Night,
and still said, "No never."
Even as I asked for clothes to cover myself,
to hide from you.

He laughed at me,
and my awkwardness beside you,
and repeated, "No Never."
Because my frame beside yours did not belong,
the Night had decided.

And he turned away,
laughing still at our circumstance,
still contemplating, "No never."
Frozen in his stance,
negative in not.

And you lay beside me,
naked too,
"No never" your responce.
And take the sheets and lift them to warm us,
the Night now asks to take us in-

But we don't want him...

-Matthew Koutzun

Ugh...

Ugh...

Sick
I hate this shit:
feeling like a burden on others.
Try my best,
it's not the same:
Dizzy-
the remarks slow on the wit.
I leave
another burden
but I hope it'll solve the other.

-Matthew Koutzun

Reject

Reject

Reject-
eject
the tape from the VCR.
the tape: it's rewinding,
back to the climax we both love.

Eject-
reject it quick,
because it just might make it back.
back to the stage,
we so sweetly opened on.

Reject-
eject it
I do not want to go.
back to the beginning,
knowing how it ends.

Eject-
the reject
hopefully you'll stay.
past the part of peripeteia,
knowing it from: always.

-Matthew Koutzun

Things

Things

I've dropped things before:
beyond repair.
I've healed things:
that should've been left sore.
I've given things:
when all I wanted was more.
I've strived for things:
by breaking down walls,
instead of opening the windows
and the doors.
How do you tempt me?
With things.
How do you love me?
With things.
How do you?
Thing?

-Matthew Koutzun

Enter My Confession Booth

Enter My Confession Booth

And say you love me.
But do not use your mouth-

Use your subtlety:
a light touch,
a honest answer,
a seductive eye,
an earnest comment of something that is me.

Let me feel the risk is safe enough to take.
Because my confessions to even God are far and few.

Use it and I'll enter your room,
and speak it-
and know it-
and touch it-
and most of all: I'll feel it.

My confession of my mind I always share-
But of my body: eat and drink of me.

-Matthew Koutzun

My Ode to the End

My Ode to the End

So go to the summit
and forget who I am.
Forget of this place
you came to first,
and just go onto the next
knowing it shall be better.

-Matthew Koutzun

This Darkness

This Darkness

If I could force your hand-
I would.
I'd force you down,
so that you'd have to look at me,
so that you could see the truth
that even hides from me.

I just want you to tell me of my darkness.
I want you to tell me of something,
if anything,
and why it resides in me.
Tell me of the darkness: love.
Tell me why it pains.

-Matthew Koutzun

This one is mine

This one is mine

It's like were always fighting:
To be what we want to be.
To strangers- to lovers-
to everyone under our covers.

We fight our brave fights,
misdt all the debre,
scattered memories of people-
saying who we really are.

Take me sweet virgin.
Take me to praire town.
Force me to live
who I am.

Force me back down,
near to my pyche.
The one, who holds a mirror
that is true.

I hold sted fast to it.
The reflection I see,
but it shatters
from the verbal affair.

My pyche is jealous
angry and mean,
and bitter from the laughing-
sweet faces.

She, oh yes, she.
Better than anyother.
Holds me,
down to her breasts.

And take me on in,
to a place that I know,
a place,
that we all like to call home.

-Matthew Koutzun

I just came out and said it

I just came out and said it

Oh Jesus-
I said it,
I just came out and said it-

You magician you-

Many people say you're wrong;
That blind faith will not
save you alone-

I believe you,
And your ration-

But things have changed,
And so have we:
Lead by faith we jump off cliffs,
Drown in oceans-

Magician, Healer,
Maybe neither-

Still
You placed a veil
On us.

-Matthew Koutzun

So He Ate the World

So He Ate the World

So he ate the world-
it had swallowed him whole once,
or had it forgot?

He took it in his hands,
and held it like the broken bird it was.
Then snap-

A broken neck.
An apple core.
A perfect circle.

Chunks of it he swallowed-
rocks and sediment cutting the length of throat.
His own blood a drink of victory.

He crys it: the world.
All it's sorrows he consumed.
Though everyone first thought him selfish.

Selfish for taking everything;
Without asking-
A shame in all eyes.

They came out of his tears,
touched the face of saint,
and cried tears of their own.

They all flooded the icecaps,
that only floated then higher,
deflated the land that held them together.

They did not mind for they live on him;
On his flesh,
That they devour now in fevour.

So, the Man who ate the world
Was eaten,
By those who now found him strong.

Niave as the one, who second,
had them whole,
they live on each other- snapping, eatting.

-Matthew Koutzun

Untitled (For you Nola)

Untitled (For you Nola)

"Hello young girl,"
the man said to the aspiring woman
"I'm not your girl,"
she said looking down to her feet.

She wished she'd grow taller,
that her features would change,
beyond recognition,
never be the same.

That she could reach beyond mountains,
build them from moles,
create pathways to stars,
if only it were they she could reach- hold.

She dreams of flying,
through each stratosphere,
closer - each light,
each seems so near.

The man said to girl,
"You're really no man."
The woman looked to him,
"Who cares- when everything: I can."

-Matthew Koutzun

(Again, I hope you can find a better title than I could. AND REMEMBER- you can do anything- anything! Because you do not dream, you do not wish, you do not hope, and you do none of these things because why would you need to when you can fly so high already, able to soar higher still! You need not try Nola- you are!)

Untitled

Untitled

Got married-
Had a baby-
At least, that's what the newspaper said.

Minus the birth
But keep the awkward day
Gone too fast to recall.

The neighbours are all jealous
Because the only thing I share:
Are these four posts with thee.

-Matthew Koutzun

Fearful Things

Fearful Things

There are fearful things
in the dark of day
that hide in shadows
pure in the light.

Hidden in blessed beings,
simple mirrors with reversed sides.
Kept from the dark
from a darkness within.

Fearful things that come to you
darkened by their hope,
taken in stride by happy circumstance
brightened by the rays of sun.

Hold from such light.
Hold from such day.
Hold from the life
that hides you away.

Take awe in the darkness-
such brave alleys
that break from the street.
Take hold of such paths:

Do they lead astray?

Find in their presence danger
excitement in the change.
For ways only differ
when fear leads to new ways.

-Matthew Koutzun

Want. Need. No. Never.

Want. Need. No. Never.

You say you didn't want it but you did anyway
You say that it's unfair but you took it the same
You took and took and took and you feel like it's all there
You take and talk and speak like you were not even there
Subjective
Misplaced
Not
in
any
place
Disjointed
and not in motion
You take and took and the walls you shook
You say your sorry
but what for
What is it you want
Nothing
is in your mind
You did it cause you wanted it
and you needed it
and why was it that you needed it
wanted it
Was it your life blood
your first born child
Your need
Your. Insessant. Need.
something you can
not
live without
Something that lives void of yourself
you leave it alone and with yourself You keep it to yourslf
But you didn't give it your all
You just gave it up
and that's fine
because it's what you wanted
what you needed
I believe that
truely
truely that you need
and want
and what of me
Don't I
want
need
No
never

-Matthew Koutzun

Untitled (For you Ana)

Untitled (For you Ana)

The girl
she cried down to the water
Why?
She cried till it drowned
and carried her away.
She lived
she floated
lead her life devoted
Her answer stared back at her
she was not looking down-
but up

-Matthew Koutzun

(There you go Ana. Perhaps you have a better title for it than I do... perhaps you can fill that blank for me.)

Nobler Things To Do

Nobler Things To Do

There are Nobler things:
like bravery,
chivalry,
and opening up ones chest.

There are fearful things:
the monsters,
villains,
and the people we care for most- critical.

There are finer things:
like silk,
satin,
warm kindness.

There are colder things:
like ice,
snow,
a shoulder.

There are every- things:
like nothings,
anything,
and perhaps absolutes.

There are Nobler things:
like bravery,
chivalry,
and introspection too.

-Matthew Koutzun

Mailed Away

Mailed Away

You eveloped me.
Mailed me away-
or closer.
Closer to home.
Address unknown.
How to know it was so big?
But it was.
Bigger than I thought.
Lost when the letter opened.
Enveloped into something bigger.
Bigger than you thought.
Lost for days.
Hours even.
Minutes to the minute.
Known to time only.
Lost for how long-
God knows.
I was mailed away.
Address unknown.
Known to few.
Experienced by fewer.
Opened by none.
But to few:
who can glimpse a word:
The Word:
endless.

-Matthew Koutzun

Sitting Here

Sitting Here

Sitting here:
watching you:
you hold that stick between two.

I watch you smile:
you're lips a blubber:
blubbering to a little one below you-
yours.

Sitting here:
watching you:
you suck that stick and hold your breath.

You look down again:
your lips pursed:
Smiling meekly, honestly, at one below you-
yours.

Sitting here :
watching you:
you blow out streams that course the air.

Your head turned:
you look away:
your lips steam breath away from you-
yours.

Sitting- you:
Watching- here:
I can only stare at your actions.

Your Suck:
your blow:
your turn away from something-
yours.

My head doesn't turn:
watching it:
its actions a staple to what you are.

It cannot say no.
It cannot leave-
yours.
So put it the fuck out.

-Matthew Koutzun

We're All Needing

We're All Needing

We're all wanting,
wanting for more.
We 're all wanting,
conflicts and war.
We're all wanting,
drama to take us further.
We're all wanting,
for water to parch our throats.
We're all wanting,
sand to quench thirsts.
We're all wanting,
suns to burn cold.
We're all wanting,
love and forgiveness.
We're all wanting,
the pain to stop.
We're all wanting,
to endure more.
We're all wanting,
waiting for a day for us to end.
We're all wanting,
needing to need.
We're all wanting-
Never content.

-Matthew Koutzun

The Undefeated Passifist

The Undefeated Passifist

I came
I saw
And I
Left

-Matthew Koutzun

Pure Science

Pure Science

A Virgin's lover-
Is never satisfied.

-Matthew Koutzun

Hold Onto Your Children

Hold Onto Your Children

"What's in your gunnysack Mr.Devall?"
"Your children," he'd say
And they would laugh-
Until they got home.

-Matthew Koutzun