Covet and Wane

Covet and Wane

Goodnight sun, goodnight moon-
you know you love the day,
as much as you covet the night.

And one comes after the other,
regardless of which you love,
so have both- wax and wane with each.

Matthew Koutzun

1907-2007

1907-2007

I am here
inside, before my time they call us,
since we don't seem real yet even though
we've lived nine months.
Life not counted until breath.

I'm here,
the school
my first.
Nerves that I can't stand
standing on end
be cajoled by all my siblings-
younger-
pushing me out the door.

I am here,
at home,
they've denied me to walk 4 miles to school.
I walk them on the field as I watch
smaller footsteps to move foward.

I am here,
Mother is crying
and Father is silent,
water spilled on the ground,
and one of us gone,
we leave in the morning.

I am here
they haven't sent me on the berg yet.
They told me that's where grandma would go
before she died
now that we moved to Canada-
Years I was scared into believing.

I am here
Believing and crying
and crying to believe,
and we went to the place
where the believers cry
and believe.
And we travelled home from that place
it was Easter.
Blood in mouth,
on my dress,
it made me dizzy,
the body: dough-
never helped.

I am as I lay,
the last. Years from then
and on the berg I pass.
And hand from hand I'm carried,
a wave like wave
to the boat home.

I am home,
Home was a boat across the ocean I once believed.
But a hundred years later.
Home only means
up.

Matthew Koutzun

Where?

Where?

Did you disappear?
On plane, by car?
By some comment made from afar?
There is such thing as happenstance
and that of plutonic romance.
So give a fuckup a chance?

Matthew Koutzun

When They Broke the Chick's Egg, A Mirror to Hold

When They Broke the Chick's Egg,
A Mirror to Hold

Looking at myself in the mirror
I see myself younger than I really am.
Soft brown hair,
falling finely on soft brow,
over shallow deep eyes,
that have seen nothing, but much.
Two lips, the bottoms full from biting,
the top thin from inexperience,
although never lacking.
Light bleached skin,
touched only by flouresants,
and high cheeks of expectancy.

I rush to my bed and hide under the covers.
I want to be 16 again,
and feel nothing- over or around me.
I throw the sheets off of me to relinquish the feeling,
and then smuggle them back on
for the security and fear I find underneath.
And they come for me calling,
"come back,
no fear- no foul to be had hiding."
I peek at monsters run amuck
and know I'll join them soon;
eventually.

-Matthew Koutzun

Taking Seconds.

Taking Seconds.

After taking the first bite,
there is the moment of immense flavor of new experience.
And after the second,
there is one of loss and gaining:
loss of the fresh beginnings on the tounge-
the gaining of fullness in yourself.

Matthew Koutzun