Untitled- Unformated

Untitled- Unformated

I heard the train go whistling past
and found it was the plane roaring above.
And the footsteps through the house,
the creaking of it settling in.

And the dust that danced through light beams
as they filtered through the blinds
and the dark in each, every corner
that collides and multiplies.

And I heard the fan play music
as is fluted over glass
the hollow breeze make shelter
in the rusted oven gate.

Laying,
heat upon me
sitting in the only shaft of light.
It slowly burns me.
The traced shadow on my legs trace it's scalding embrace.

I made a cake today
and I swear I put too much water in it.
And I had to bake it out.
The edges look burnt
but still feel tender.
I made the icing softer
by liquefying it
and it wouldn't spread
only ooze
and it tore the top of the cake off
and I bits of batter peek right through.

Oh silence
you're hear with mine.

I don't know what happened today to make it worse
and I'm just sitting here in hear
and listening to everything around me
even the paused television movie
that whirs it's way playing and playing
it's sounds although the audio track is muted.

And today started so well
and then my head felt so compact
and my face- the skin was so tight
like everything was about to pop from it

And I can't stop thinking about what to say
or how to say it
AND i THINK
this is my anxiety
popping and snapping can crackling
as I eat sugared cereal
wanting to save room for tonight.

Oh tonight,
I'm thinking about the drive
and I'm thinking about my own
and driving forward and onward past mountains
is where everything from this moment
lies.

Oh lies.
oh lies
lies lies lies lies.

And lyrical lies

and dancing in them and
feeling
feelding shame
brought on my years of though and years of dogma
before it.

And what I'm I to feld now.

Feld feld feld
and take the whole forest down
leaves scatter and left
and banana leaves to trip on and slide downwards
legs upward and spread.

And listening to the fan again,
and looking at the time.

I must go.


I must pull the cake from the fridge.
Maybe it'll stay in the car.
I won't.
But perhaps I'll leave my mistakes there.

-Matthew Koutzun

Your Shadow Looks Nothing Like You

Your Shadow Looks Nothing Like You

Stretched and
filled
and held together with light
your shadow looks nothing like you.

Villainous nose
and extended brow
it does nothing to mimic the truth.

Like a moth
to a light
and the monstrous beast on the wall
your shadow betrays who you are.

The sun in you hair
and the gleam in your eye
hold you far better in the morning.

So I'll wait till noon
when your shadows diminished,
and I'll wait till night
when we can play inside each one.

-Matthew Koutzun