Virgin Wrecker

Virgin Wrecker

When I heard your voice on the machine

I knew I made a mistake

being at work

and missing your call.

It was that voice carrying me back to a time when the world was constantly ending in my mind

but look at me here

hearing the end of it again.

God, I missed you-

Well to be fair the feeling just hit me now.

Had I not heard your voice I kinda wonder if I'd still be so struck.

But I did and I can't believe that we still share something 

after time and distance.

Can you believe we shared something

that we share something still-

and it makes me think back to the days when the world was constantly ending in my mind

knowing it continues on with you

hearing some memory of a start.

Now pick up the god damn phone

cause I can only dial this number so many times

and drunkenly laugh that you're engaged-

some conquest conquerer you were.

But I guess you succeeded.

And there is nothing but a proud beat

trouncing it's way through me like a fish returning home

to bare what we left to bore.

And I'm thinking back to the days when the world was constantly ending in my mind

and we laid in bed 

you tiptoeing your fingers over me

some sun dashing behind us

and I was finally able to be naked with someone for the first time without any nervousness

which was a pretty big deal at the time I'll let you know

I'm still a shy pee-er.

But it was the ease of it all.

Knowing that there was a start there that would soon have to end

learning that many worlds are constantly ending all the time.

Knowing that there was something between us during a time and a place

and having that tucked away for myself for my personal end of the worlds

which I wonder if you have tucked away for yourself too.

So I'm struck here again.

plucking at some invisible phone cord

waiting for a ringing to be answered

and to hear a voice to end a thought

and start a new.

-Matthew Koutzun

I gotta hunch

Hunch

The day began like a slump.

High posture with expectation

and then low as heads dropped

motivation collapsing like a lazy spine.

Sat in a chair all day and felt it happen

turning from a young truant

to a blistering old hunched hag.

Got some work done,

but not much.

Had something to eat

but it was pretty bland.

Watch a good show,

but it's season nearly over.

And what did the day get me?

not much.  Just  greyed out sky

and foggy streets out my window

that have plagued the city for at least four days

which I'd rather be in 

but have no care to really explore.

And now it's the end of the day

already in the start of another

because this motivation thing still hasn't become my muse

and the bed's pretty far away.

But I got work in the morning and it's gonna be a bad one

without any sleep.

Who knows.

-Matthew Koutzun

Covert

Covert

I'm not the enemy.
And this is not deception.
This is not a mask I wear
to brave the hardships of war.
I do not skulk in the shadows
since it was you who found me
speaking on a box
handing out my words.

That's just what a spy in our midst would say.

How can I tell you
we are one and the same
on the other side of this fence
are those just like you?
There is not the divide
there once was 
and that further along
it's shorter and even not.

That's not how I have seen the world and your view is theirs.

I do not switch sides for gains
because the truth is everyone has lied
in one giant conspiracy
hiding the open field.
I've been running through the glass
others put up
while everyone else stopped
tired of bumping into what once was there.

I'm touching it and it will not budge.

I'm touching it now, and thinking I might break through.

-Matthew Koutzun

Big Sigh

Big Sigh

I can only do so many of these
before I have to stop out of pure embarrassment.

Big signs
but I don't know if I'm making them large enough
or if you're seeing them but making concerted efforts to ignore them.

I've been making them for sometime
that it now feels forced so I'll continue till maybe one stops you.

Man, that was pathetic exhaling all that breath
hoping you'd exhale yours.

Gonna breathe in real deep now
and hopefully some of it will get to my brain.

So I can smarten up
and maybe--

you've shown me something- a distraction.
Maybe you were listening.

-Matthew Koutzun