Give- no, receive.

Give- no, receive.

Must I say it?
I love you?
{insert realization here}
I love you.
Words: no-
please lord,
give me action.

-Matthew Koutzun

Directives

Directives

I'm being direct now,
call me,
write me,
or better still,
hop on the plane
and buzz my apartment
it's room 104
(remember?)
the buzzer number is
027
(remember?)
and I'll let you in,
and if not me,
buzz the neighbour,
he or she will,
even if you haven't met them
just like I haven't,
and wait by my door
in the hallway
in the alcove,
and greet the passer bys
and tell them why you've come:
to tell me everything:
that you love me,
because I'm sick of waiting.

And as a mild note, act as if
I've never wrote this, it'll be
better for me that way, and
wow, you're looking at me,
like, fuck, what strength did
he have to have to do all this,
selfish fucker, the selfish lil'
fucker that you love. Sweetie.

-Matthew Koutzun

Simple Requests

Simple Requests

Oh,
please
tell me who you are
lift that mask from your face,
and let me smile
from the observation
that it is really
truly
you.

Oh,
please
do not feign it any longer,
unlock your chest and open up,
and let me smile
from the realization
that there's still
space for
me.

Oh,
please
do not shy and blush,
cause you don't have to be ashamed,
and you yourself smile
for the captivation
that I most definately
emote the
same.

-Matthew Koutzun

What Little I Have Left -or- Selfish Little Motives

What Little I Have Left
-or-
Selfish Little Motives

is none of your concern
the amount of what I own
not yours
I gave much of it away
to many unknown sources
not yours
the sums I have recieved
small as they have been
not yours
what little I have left
in the safe with combo-pads
not yours

-Matthew Koutzun

The Illuminated Cad

The Illuminated Cad

Sun washed tan skin
and bleached mop hair
a smile,
crooked on lips so thin,
spread far enough
to break the angels touch,
so long beneath the bridge
of the upturned nose
to brown eyes,
surrendering
in the piety.

His hands behind his back,
a present behind his back,
the flannel shirt
absorbing the water
and the worms
from the dirt,
from the flowers
he stole
stealthily,
from her very garden this morning
Oh she'll love them.

-Matthew Koutzun

Love in Binary

Love in Binary

Are we a part of a system,
and if we are,
how stable is the system if we are unstable?

Is the human condition possible
through the connections of
love in binary?

1000101111010001010110101010101

0100101010101010100001010111010
10100101110101001010101010111101
0101001001100010010110101010010
1010010101011101010100000101010
101111011101011000101011110101010
0100101011010001111000011010100
1001110101010001010101001010102?

How in love
were the people in that tale?

Did they speak of
subtlties or of absolutes,
in yes or no,
right or wrong,
coded 1 or 0?

Hold fast
to the perception of definate,
because the number 2
in one stream
can be variable.

Varible or not,
it's an option,
whether to follow
or to lead.

-Matthew Koutzun

She Walks On

She Walks On

Smashed paper,
and tossed water,
seeping down from the window sill,
dripping on the red/
white,
canvas oning below.

Dress lifted,
blue daisies/red stripes,
high legs,
higher waist,
eyes lifted,
among other things.

Man weezing,
hand to chest,
red face/white face,
and the damp water,
turning blue jeans,
navy.

Run,
scatter,
brown to
many colours,
a flourish around
the white/blue man.

Blue daisies,
fly away,
distracted,
bemused,
her blue/red dress,
so much better than his pale.

-Matthew Koutzun

Pretty Boy

Pretty Boy

How high are those heels?
The ones strapped to your feet?
Someone must have bought those for you.
Or you stole them.
Who'd have the pride to buy them?
Personally?
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't pull them off.

-Matthew Koutzun

What the Third Said In Between

What the Third Said In Between

They're complaining-
I'm lonely.
Something is wrong with
"I love you"?

-Matthew Koutzun

Between the Second and the First

Between the Second and the First

"I love you"
now given after the first time,
is given missed by the Second,
off kilter with target,
the one set up by the First.

How can the Second hit that?
The target so small,
placed out the blue,
at a distance so far,
and too blindly lit by the First.

The Second responds
hurried,
paced,
without eyes,
a beligerance taken from a clone.

But the Second does recognize,
that the First felt a moment,
and that they may not feel it,
but that they can appreicate the First's emote of it.

The Second wants to know if their sentiment is felt,
if the First realizes that they can understand
the First's moment.

This is where I watered the Second's guilt,
and where I quenched it.

-Matthew Koutzun

Between the First and the Second

Between the First and the Second

"I love you"
when given the first time,
during anytime,
between two people,
at any stage,
whether it being the ultimate first,
or the first of a moment of initial thought
after been exchanged a million times over,
is the only honest utterance of the moment,
from that first speaker.

What comes next is almost nothing,
a ditto,
a mimic,
a repeat,
a response elicited from the Second.

They have not felt this moment
unlike the First,
or they would have said it first,
noticed the serene nature of it.

Or maybe the First reminded the Second of the beauty,
or maybe the First emotionally unbound the other?

The First wants to know if this moment is real,
if what the Second says is true
and not just something said in reform.

This is where I broke the First's heart,
and where I rebuilt it.

-Matthew Koutzun

You'll learn when you're younger

You'll learn when you're younger

Never thought that far-
I'm still living in the past.
Sometimes I stay awake till midnight
to check my horoscope since I'm insecure about my future.
I drink two cups of tea from a pot,
and spill out the other two- cold the next day from singledom.
People give me sharp glares when I think dirty thoughts,
I know some of them can hear me,
I then think of disgustingly perverse things in order to harass them.
I hide behind this snug mask of self confidence,
if only to hide that I'm totally lost, it scares me when people follow.
Taking things from alley walls is fun,
if only to confuse your friends why you took it.
I find I'm never looking up lately,
and when I do now,
I find I'm somewhere completely different than I knew.

-Matthew Koutzun

A Con In Noises

A Con In Noises

" . "

There's an inkling not to speak
to let the silence do it's work.

Oh coward,
if you're lying you'll always be alone,
even from yourself.

Take your time,
even if the words come out right,
they won't matter if they are only in good intention;
white or silent.

And now how are they lies?
Only said in the absense of real noise,
they only dwell when I'm silent
when I let things carry on,
you thinking one thing, and I another.

A cunning deception silence is
a dramatic irony of sorts,
an audience a fourth wall beside us,
laughing at my sick sad form of jocularity,
me keeping things from you,
with a smile.

- Matthew Koutzun

What I Got Used To

What I Got Used To

Where is the pitter patter of hidden feet?
The feminine ones that lurked and skulked,
fiegning non-existance so I could sleep some more?
Where my jarring alarm clock go?
The fleshy one that would jump onto my feet,
hindering me getting up, but cajoling me much the same?
Where the forming phantom leave?
The one that would read and be silent
long through the morning but there none the less?
Where did the conversation go?
On a plane, in a car, by the legs that moved them from the mattress
where our mornings were spent talking before I left to school?

-Matthew Koutzun

New Captives

New Captives

staring into the water you whipped it out
while you stared back at you.
How warm and wonderful your image felt on you,
your breathing never causing a ripple to distract.

The taut skin on your frame, pity not all can be you.
The glint in your eye a gift to Apollo, no wait,
the rays should be blessed to be refracted from you,
you're the one born from Allesya.

You could touch you, but then you'd go away,
and what you have in your hand would stop moaning.
But you've come to that wave, that one on the Styx
that everyone loves to have: a moment being lost.

And the ripples form in your breakdown, and your mirror is lost,
you are torn from your own sweet nocular spell.
"Oh thank God, you're back from that place-"
"Oh please, I wish they had drowned..."

-Matthew Koutzun