Please Tell Me

Please Tell Me

Please tell me you've noticed
the anger that undercurrents it all.
Through the jocular jests
and and clamourous kidding
that I build to save your pride.

Please tell me you understand
that you've asked too much
and I can't deliver
and the milk man always knocks twice
when the mice play and he can feed the cat.

Please tell me you're confused
by all I've just wrote
so I don't have to confess
all my shortcomings
and all of them that lie in you.

Please tell me you've forgiven
because it's all I can ask
because I feel-
care, I'm almost there-
they're the only things I ask of you.

-Matthew Koutzun

How Much

How Much

You say, "Jump,"
and I say, "How high?"

Then you say, "Leap,"
and I ask, "How Far?"

And then you say, "Love,"
and then I say, "How Much?"

Then you repeat me to "jump"
and I counter:
"How much faith do you have
that you'll catch me,
once I've jumped as high as I can-
and leaped as far as I can-
and have loved as much as I can?
Can you still catch me
after that: my fall?"

And you stop;
a hundred kilometers beneath me,
staring up at me,
perched on the edge-
you replying:
"I don't know..."

And we stand there a while
before I suddenly announce with a wink:
"I don't know about you,
but I sure hope your lips know CPR."

-Matthew Koutzun

Large Space Between Us (A Responce)

Large Space Between Us (A Responce)

"This large space between us is too much. It's bound to pull us apart sometime. I see it stretching each of our limbs as we hold hands across a continent."

"And is it any different than our tiny space? The one we conquered before. Was that one, how ever tiny, not the same as this?"

"How can it be? Distance or distance?"

"Oh little one. You knew how to crush a tiny space, but the larger space is not distance but time. It's tricked you with kilometers of land."

"I'm not little, nor foolish! This space is not my doing, or your doing, but our doing."

"We said we were ready to face this didn't we, after we beat the tiny space between us."

"Yes, but you didn't say long, only how far."

"Distance or time, what does it matter, when remembering: you are always there?"

-Matthew Koutzun

Revisiting That Mountain (5)

Revisiting That Mountain (5)

After promising to return,
you revisited the mountain.
The trails changes but the path the same.

Over rock and rubble,
and sin and trouble,
you made it back to the place you called once home.

And returning you grow warm
to the place you used to adore
the place raw and free it made you weep for more.

But it's changed
or is it still the same as it was?
Things are different of course, but the form is the same.

There's the rock
and there's the tree,
but gone is the hut of the home you remember.

How sterile it looks
and alone.



Until a tap at your shoulder:
might as well have been a boulder
that tore through your arm just the same.

And a smile and nod;
from the one you brought along
to show such a magnificent sight.

And they just like you
in this surrounding now confused
but they must agree that the path changed the view.

-Matthew Koutzun

When They Took You From That Mountain (4)

When They Took You From That Mountain (4)

No one would come you said,
it is a miracle you found the tip the first place you assured
when the knock came at the the door to the mountain.

You looked out from perfection
and could not see the light,
the grim figures hidden by their own shadows.

They rapped once more in impatience
you know why they're here,
they don't understand such alone beauty.

Now they're knocking down the door
and your crawling backwards from them on the floor
grasping the leaves and what's due from the morning.

And they've got you
and your clawing
and the Crows, ravens nevermore keep calling.

Your nails
in the floor
as they drag you swiftly out the door.

Taken from the home that you loved.

-Matthew Koutzun

When You Try To Leave That Mountain (3)

When You Try To Leave That Mountain (3)

Up on the hill,
nothing between you and the sky,
there's nothing to stop you or will.

All you survey
will all be yours one day
if you only give it all up right now.

And looking all around you
a smile in your heart
a heat in your hand
you can't recall when once you felt like this before.

The wind in your hair
and the soft in your eyes
the stone rocks in your chest taking flight.

It's where no one would come,
and yet here you are,
it's no place and yet it's your home.

-Matthew Koutzun

When You Reach the Top of That Mountain (2)

When You Reach the Top of That Mountain (2)

Stepping over rock and bound
you climbed up the mountain.


Hate in your heart
and stagnant love in your chest
you pushed on up the mountain.


And crystal streams yeilded water
and for them you did not stop
what a reward you thought for all the bad you done if you drank.


And pushing onward and up
over boulder and tree
tears flowed hot then steamed cold as you saw it.


Clear blue sky and pearl soft clouds.
You made it and now you are home.

-Matthew Koutzun

When You Climb Up That Mountain (1)

When You Climb Up That Mountain (1)

Swimming in the valley
with pure petals snagged in hair,
you never thought you'd climb the mountain.

You danced in Autumn sun
and pranced in Winter snow,
never knowing the the spring would bring a hot thaw.

Ate roses from the vine
and drank serpentine straight
everyday the last and never was.

But the Summer has come
the sweet girl's lies have been revealed
and the mountain calls a name for you and it's yours.

-Matthew Koutzun

Catch:Caught

Catch:Caught

I'm catching myself,
in moments like these:
losing myself,
my neck craning to the side,
a tingle in my thighs
an ache to push forward
and beyond.

And I catch myself-
Liar.
I think.
You are much too dramatic.
"This feeling is much too verbose to be real.
It's made up in your mind,"
the net says to me as it snatches such time I've had
and steals it away.

But I whine,
"What if it's real?
What if the dream's not a lie?"

"How foolish you are.
Things without force-
things without weight-
things without touch-
lies you've made up
you silly fool."

"But they do touch me here"
Placed hand.
"And they pressure press here"
A firm grasp.
"And they deliever a blow, solid, always here..."

"See and I don't understand that...
I don't supposed I ever will,
so what do I do now?"

"I guess you'll just have to do
what you're meant to:
catch me when I fall when and if I do."

-Matthew Koutzun

One of these Days

One of these Days

That boy is going to get hurt one of these days;
and if he's not careful it will be soon.

He's up on the ladder,
no one beneath him,
watching to make sure it's stable.


He's gonna fall one of these days;
if he's not careful soon.

Cause he's out into traffic,
not paying attention,
head always in a book.


He'll be gone one of these days;
because he's not careful.

Since he's playin' with hearts,
not watchin' his own,
it will turn on him when it breaks.

-Matthew Koutzun

Getting it Done.

Getting it done.

Getting it done
doesn't have to be a hard thing.
It doesn't even have to be a thing at all.

We trust in others to do
what we know ourselves
we can do.

And we wait for magic realignment
for things to be just right,
before we can even dare take a step.

But jump, and leap, and do!
It's not a thing, you can't trust others, and it won't align.
But hey, you knew that didn't you?

-Matthew Koutzun

Thanks Molly

Thanks Molly

Thank you for the money you gave me,
but thank you more for the time you spent:
to listen- hear- remember my story.
It was the moment we took with each other
how you stopped and we
con(re)versed.
How I watched you go, with a smile on your face
onward leaving me there
because I knew I had to stay.
the coffee keeps me warm
but less than other things.

Thanks,
Molly

-Matthew Koutzun

If you're found in the Ocean (3)

If you're found in the Ocean (3)

Hold,
be bold,
remember what you're told,
because you'll want to remember
how to get back to me again.

-Matthew Koutzun

If you're lost in the Ocean (2)

If you're lost in the Ocean (2)

Rip.
Tide.
Run.
Hide.
You can keep it.
Don't fear I'll take it back.
The time will come when you need it.
And so will the time when we can share it.

-Matthew Koutzun

If you're lost in the Ocean (1)

If you're lost in the Ocean (1)

Shifting.
Changing.
Rearranging.
Everything physical can and will wear.
But keep and covet a tiny place in time for me.

-Matthew Koutzun