They May Find You

They May Find You

Where did you go
that you could come back?
I thought I blocked the roads.

You crept on in-
in dreams of night;
where I am most still.

Back you came
like never gone
feeling like the norm.

But mid-dream I think
and realize
why I barred the roads at all.

Because I can't have this
and it's just not right
to be pulled back in again.

I'll remember you
and all you've done
and I'll have to forget again.

I've forgotten once.
I can't again.
I just don't have the strength.

So come on in,
and visit quick-
and then be on your way.

-Matthew Koutzun

Out There

Out There

If your out there,
and your hiding,
and your watching
please come out and find me.

I've heard your breathing,
and your weaving,
behind my back
and heat on cheek.

So if your out there,
and your fearing,
and disbelieving
believe I'm out here too.

-Matthew Koutzun

On the 26th

On the 26th

Laying in bed with the pillow against my chest
I begin to fluff it up.
A curve here,
a breast there.
Beat, long legs beside my side.

Oh, gift on the 26th, in the middle of the night,
why do you come to haunt me now?
Long hair, tied with tact
and brisk blue eyes
that smile right back?

My wanderings,
on the 26th ,
you do not let me hide.
If I wanted everything
nothing could I find.

Yet here I do have something,
and more over I want more.
Oh these things
that come and haunt me;
made from shadow and lore of more.

-Matthew Koutzun

On the 24th Evening of December

On the 24th Evening of December

"Do you know what we're getting him dear?
We still need something to him from Santa"

"I'm working on it-
The elves are still in contention."

-Matthew Koutzun

A word from our author...

A word from our author...

Please do not
take all I say
as pure gold.

Do not spin
it into tales
and say they
are apart
of who I am.

They are apart
and they are
also seperate.

They are my life
and they are my
dreaded lies of
what I have,
myself,
spun them to be.

So please do not
shift or think them
too far out of place.

Because, my dear,
that is my job.

-Matthew Koutzun

Please Tell Me

Please Tell Me

Please tell me you've noticed
the anger that undercurrents it all.
Through the jocular jests
and and clamourous kidding
that I build to save your pride.

Please tell me you understand
that you've asked too much
and I can't deliver
and the milk man always knocks twice
when the mice play and he can feed the cat.

Please tell me you're confused
by all I've just wrote
so I don't have to confess
all my shortcomings
and all of them that lie in you.

Please tell me you've forgiven
because it's all I can ask
because I feel-
care, I'm almost there-
they're the only things I ask of you.

-Matthew Koutzun

How Much

How Much

You say, "Jump,"
and I say, "How high?"

Then you say, "Leap,"
and I ask, "How Far?"

And then you say, "Love,"
and then I say, "How Much?"

Then you repeat me to "jump"
and I counter:
"How much faith do you have
that you'll catch me,
once I've jumped as high as I can-
and leaped as far as I can-
and have loved as much as I can?
Can you still catch me
after that: my fall?"

And you stop;
a hundred kilometers beneath me,
staring up at me,
perched on the edge-
you replying:
"I don't know..."

And we stand there a while
before I suddenly announce with a wink:
"I don't know about you,
but I sure hope your lips know CPR."

-Matthew Koutzun

Large Space Between Us (A Responce)

Large Space Between Us (A Responce)

"This large space between us is too much. It's bound to pull us apart sometime. I see it stretching each of our limbs as we hold hands across a continent."

"And is it any different than our tiny space? The one we conquered before. Was that one, how ever tiny, not the same as this?"

"How can it be? Distance or distance?"

"Oh little one. You knew how to crush a tiny space, but the larger space is not distance but time. It's tricked you with kilometers of land."

"I'm not little, nor foolish! This space is not my doing, or your doing, but our doing."

"We said we were ready to face this didn't we, after we beat the tiny space between us."

"Yes, but you didn't say long, only how far."

"Distance or time, what does it matter, when remembering: you are always there?"

-Matthew Koutzun

Revisiting That Mountain (5)

Revisiting That Mountain (5)

After promising to return,
you revisited the mountain.
The trails changes but the path the same.

Over rock and rubble,
and sin and trouble,
you made it back to the place you called once home.

And returning you grow warm
to the place you used to adore
the place raw and free it made you weep for more.

But it's changed
or is it still the same as it was?
Things are different of course, but the form is the same.

There's the rock
and there's the tree,
but gone is the hut of the home you remember.

How sterile it looks
and alone.



Until a tap at your shoulder:
might as well have been a boulder
that tore through your arm just the same.

And a smile and nod;
from the one you brought along
to show such a magnificent sight.

And they just like you
in this surrounding now confused
but they must agree that the path changed the view.

-Matthew Koutzun

When They Took You From That Mountain (4)

When They Took You From That Mountain (4)

No one would come you said,
it is a miracle you found the tip the first place you assured
when the knock came at the the door to the mountain.

You looked out from perfection
and could not see the light,
the grim figures hidden by their own shadows.

They rapped once more in impatience
you know why they're here,
they don't understand such alone beauty.

Now they're knocking down the door
and your crawling backwards from them on the floor
grasping the leaves and what's due from the morning.

And they've got you
and your clawing
and the Crows, ravens nevermore keep calling.

Your nails
in the floor
as they drag you swiftly out the door.

Taken from the home that you loved.

-Matthew Koutzun

When You Try To Leave That Mountain (3)

When You Try To Leave That Mountain (3)

Up on the hill,
nothing between you and the sky,
there's nothing to stop you or will.

All you survey
will all be yours one day
if you only give it all up right now.

And looking all around you
a smile in your heart
a heat in your hand
you can't recall when once you felt like this before.

The wind in your hair
and the soft in your eyes
the stone rocks in your chest taking flight.

It's where no one would come,
and yet here you are,
it's no place and yet it's your home.

-Matthew Koutzun

When You Reach the Top of That Mountain (2)

When You Reach the Top of That Mountain (2)

Stepping over rock and bound
you climbed up the mountain.


Hate in your heart
and stagnant love in your chest
you pushed on up the mountain.


And crystal streams yeilded water
and for them you did not stop
what a reward you thought for all the bad you done if you drank.


And pushing onward and up
over boulder and tree
tears flowed hot then steamed cold as you saw it.


Clear blue sky and pearl soft clouds.
You made it and now you are home.

-Matthew Koutzun

When You Climb Up That Mountain (1)

When You Climb Up That Mountain (1)

Swimming in the valley
with pure petals snagged in hair,
you never thought you'd climb the mountain.

You danced in Autumn sun
and pranced in Winter snow,
never knowing the the spring would bring a hot thaw.

Ate roses from the vine
and drank serpentine straight
everyday the last and never was.

But the Summer has come
the sweet girl's lies have been revealed
and the mountain calls a name for you and it's yours.

-Matthew Koutzun

Catch:Caught

Catch:Caught

I'm catching myself,
in moments like these:
losing myself,
my neck craning to the side,
a tingle in my thighs
an ache to push forward
and beyond.

And I catch myself-
Liar.
I think.
You are much too dramatic.
"This feeling is much too verbose to be real.
It's made up in your mind,"
the net says to me as it snatches such time I've had
and steals it away.

But I whine,
"What if it's real?
What if the dream's not a lie?"

"How foolish you are.
Things without force-
things without weight-
things without touch-
lies you've made up
you silly fool."

"But they do touch me here"
Placed hand.
"And they pressure press here"
A firm grasp.
"And they deliever a blow, solid, always here..."

"See and I don't understand that...
I don't supposed I ever will,
so what do I do now?"

"I guess you'll just have to do
what you're meant to:
catch me when I fall when and if I do."

-Matthew Koutzun

One of these Days

One of these Days

That boy is going to get hurt one of these days;
and if he's not careful it will be soon.

He's up on the ladder,
no one beneath him,
watching to make sure it's stable.


He's gonna fall one of these days;
if he's not careful soon.

Cause he's out into traffic,
not paying attention,
head always in a book.


He'll be gone one of these days;
because he's not careful.

Since he's playin' with hearts,
not watchin' his own,
it will turn on him when it breaks.

-Matthew Koutzun