Comfort's Refuge

Comfort's Refuge

I came into being in the morning.

Not one filled with light,
but the dark one that you wake to-
disoriented and stunted,
one's that fumble you into corridors.

The rays did not fill the halls,
nor light on any banister:
a holding
down the deep and perilous stairs.

The morning did not creep,
for it could head no further,
for time cannot be measured,
in the absence of it's source.

The sun did not preceive me;
being hidden beyond such ridge.
It did not ever know,
what strangeness it did miss.

But none the less it misses me,
ever more, the same-
Knowing somehow that something
is missing from the world.

It knows, and it tries to follow,
and it tries, and it succeeds,
for time- I wronged- is stronger,
than I first precieved.

I tried to run from it-
not as a child,
but in youth
remembering old ways

But now the paths curve backwards,
and I can't remember
the way home:
up and out the stairs.

They've changed as I have,
and have risen higher than I stepped down,
and I feel trapped,
longing for seconds, new moments.

And the mulling of time,
holds me down
in my basement,
the place I sought my refuge.

And others look for me,
time giggling in the corner beside me,
hear the footsteps above me,
my face more afraid than times.

He just smiles at me.
He- laughing in the dark,
knowing they look for him,
not me.

-Matthew Koutzun

Three Gifts

Three Gifts

Jesus,
that night,
in the place where you were born,
three wise men came to thee.

They came bearing gifts-
-one from each-

What'cha do with the money?
Where did it go?

Were you too charitible when you were too young?
Did you have a great trip?
Did your parents waste the funds?

I don't get it Jesus,
how you did it so well,
even without the money,
you made your way out of this hell.

-Matthew Koutzun

Untitled

Untitled

I came to the Night,
sought the elxir of love,
but he said, "No never."
And pulled down the covers to expose me,
and my intention.

He saw me naked,
how I shivered in the Night,
and still said, "No never."
Even as I asked for clothes to cover myself,
to hide from you.

He laughed at me,
and my awkwardness beside you,
and repeated, "No Never."
Because my frame beside yours did not belong,
the Night had decided.

And he turned away,
laughing still at our circumstance,
still contemplating, "No never."
Frozen in his stance,
negative in not.

And you lay beside me,
naked too,
"No never" your responce.
And take the sheets and lift them to warm us,
the Night now asks to take us in-

But we don't want him...

-Matthew Koutzun

Ugh...

Ugh...

Sick
I hate this shit:
feeling like a burden on others.
Try my best,
it's not the same:
Dizzy-
the remarks slow on the wit.
I leave
another burden
but I hope it'll solve the other.

-Matthew Koutzun

Reject

Reject

Reject-
eject
the tape from the VCR.
the tape: it's rewinding,
back to the climax we both love.

Eject-
reject it quick,
because it just might make it back.
back to the stage,
we so sweetly opened on.

Reject-
eject it
I do not want to go.
back to the beginning,
knowing how it ends.

Eject-
the reject
hopefully you'll stay.
past the part of peripeteia,
knowing it from: always.

-Matthew Koutzun

Things

Things

I've dropped things before:
beyond repair.
I've healed things:
that should've been left sore.
I've given things:
when all I wanted was more.
I've strived for things:
by breaking down walls,
instead of opening the windows
and the doors.
How do you tempt me?
With things.
How do you love me?
With things.
How do you?
Thing?

-Matthew Koutzun

Enter My Confession Booth

Enter My Confession Booth

And say you love me.
But do not use your mouth-

Use your subtlety:
a light touch,
a honest answer,
a seductive eye,
an earnest comment of something that is me.

Let me feel the risk is safe enough to take.
Because my confessions to even God are far and few.

Use it and I'll enter your room,
and speak it-
and know it-
and touch it-
and most of all: I'll feel it.

My confession of my mind I always share-
But of my body: eat and drink of me.

-Matthew Koutzun

My Ode to the End

My Ode to the End

So go to the summit
and forget who I am.
Forget of this place
you came to first,
and just go onto the next
knowing it shall be better.

-Matthew Koutzun

This Darkness

This Darkness

If I could force your hand-
I would.
I'd force you down,
so that you'd have to look at me,
so that you could see the truth
that even hides from me.

I just want you to tell me of my darkness.
I want you to tell me of something,
if anything,
and why it resides in me.
Tell me of the darkness: love.
Tell me why it pains.

-Matthew Koutzun

This one is mine

This one is mine

It's like were always fighting:
To be what we want to be.
To strangers- to lovers-
to everyone under our covers.

We fight our brave fights,
misdt all the debre,
scattered memories of people-
saying who we really are.

Take me sweet virgin.
Take me to praire town.
Force me to live
who I am.

Force me back down,
near to my pyche.
The one, who holds a mirror
that is true.

I hold sted fast to it.
The reflection I see,
but it shatters
from the verbal affair.

My pyche is jealous
angry and mean,
and bitter from the laughing-
sweet faces.

She, oh yes, she.
Better than anyother.
Holds me,
down to her breasts.

And take me on in,
to a place that I know,
a place,
that we all like to call home.

-Matthew Koutzun

I just came out and said it

I just came out and said it

Oh Jesus-
I said it,
I just came out and said it-

You magician you-

Many people say you're wrong;
That blind faith will not
save you alone-

I believe you,
And your ration-

But things have changed,
And so have we:
Lead by faith we jump off cliffs,
Drown in oceans-

Magician, Healer,
Maybe neither-

Still
You placed a veil
On us.

-Matthew Koutzun

So He Ate the World

So He Ate the World

So he ate the world-
it had swallowed him whole once,
or had it forgot?

He took it in his hands,
and held it like the broken bird it was.
Then snap-

A broken neck.
An apple core.
A perfect circle.

Chunks of it he swallowed-
rocks and sediment cutting the length of throat.
His own blood a drink of victory.

He crys it: the world.
All it's sorrows he consumed.
Though everyone first thought him selfish.

Selfish for taking everything;
Without asking-
A shame in all eyes.

They came out of his tears,
touched the face of saint,
and cried tears of their own.

They all flooded the icecaps,
that only floated then higher,
deflated the land that held them together.

They did not mind for they live on him;
On his flesh,
That they devour now in fevour.

So, the Man who ate the world
Was eaten,
By those who now found him strong.

Niave as the one, who second,
had them whole,
they live on each other- snapping, eatting.

-Matthew Koutzun

Untitled (For you Nola)

Untitled (For you Nola)

"Hello young girl,"
the man said to the aspiring woman
"I'm not your girl,"
she said looking down to her feet.

She wished she'd grow taller,
that her features would change,
beyond recognition,
never be the same.

That she could reach beyond mountains,
build them from moles,
create pathways to stars,
if only it were they she could reach- hold.

She dreams of flying,
through each stratosphere,
closer - each light,
each seems so near.

The man said to girl,
"You're really no man."
The woman looked to him,
"Who cares- when everything: I can."

-Matthew Koutzun

(Again, I hope you can find a better title than I could. AND REMEMBER- you can do anything- anything! Because you do not dream, you do not wish, you do not hope, and you do none of these things because why would you need to when you can fly so high already, able to soar higher still! You need not try Nola- you are!)

Untitled

Untitled

Got married-
Had a baby-
At least, that's what the newspaper said.

Minus the birth
But keep the awkward day
Gone too fast to recall.

The neighbours are all jealous
Because the only thing I share:
Are these four posts with thee.

-Matthew Koutzun

Fearful Things

Fearful Things

There are fearful things
in the dark of day
that hide in shadows
pure in the light.

Hidden in blessed beings,
simple mirrors with reversed sides.
Kept from the dark
from a darkness within.

Fearful things that come to you
darkened by their hope,
taken in stride by happy circumstance
brightened by the rays of sun.

Hold from such light.
Hold from such day.
Hold from the life
that hides you away.

Take awe in the darkness-
such brave alleys
that break from the street.
Take hold of such paths:

Do they lead astray?

Find in their presence danger
excitement in the change.
For ways only differ
when fear leads to new ways.

-Matthew Koutzun