Filling up, Departing -or- When I'm Full- I'll Start Over

Filling up, Departing
-or-
When I'm Full- I'll Start Over

Looking inward
I splinter
too many tangents to follow.

Taking one,
I take another,
feeling the others following
and there are places I don't want them to go.

I slip past them,
tangling them in sunshine thought
or a gem of time
and occupied they leave me be
so I reach deeper.

Deeper delving
passing shelving of thought
departmentalized so I could find them and polish them
and put them back.
I have the worse with the best
and I told myself I'd clean them out and start over,
but just haven't had the time.

And I'm full
and cluttered, and sitting on the ground
the glass around me
I don't seem to know the good and which the bad.
I've pulled them out
out of sight
and I just checked my lists to see if I'm gonna be alright
tallying the moments I can't redefine.

And if I could change- would change - will change- can change-
and if I could earn back how people outside would
could feel
about the things
good
bad I hide
but I can't so I'll just start back over
and take my sweet time
because if the storage room is empty,
then baby, I'm not full,
so surely this must be gratitude for
it's the easiest way I'll go.

-Matthew Koutzun