Untitled for L.

Untitled for L.


There is no strength anymore
not to love you.


I've tried parting paths
and knocking other's doors
but after those door opens
I quickly shut them
because doorways aren't always
doorways to you.


There is no strength anymore
for further disappointments.


This human race is failing
and there are few
coming close to placing as high on the pedestal
you climbed
please don't give up even though you've slowed your pace
the finish line is ever reaching but I'm running beside you.


There is no strength anymore
not to ache at night.


Not hold the pillow you slept on
and not to hide it from others because it's yours
because I pray you hear my goodnights
or at least know I say them only to you
as I crack and window and curtain
to keep an invisible thread to you uncut.


There is no strength anymore
in any distraction of you.


Resolute and statuary
to see absolute proof in absence
that the absence of you is deafening
and that the return I want slow
so we can ease back into us
and start something beautiful new.


There is no strength anymore
in fighting the truth.


That this isn't desperation
but the form of something special
that even others can't deny
that others speak of in jealous tones
and spite because you hold me from them
in my hopes of holding you.


There is no strength anymore
in holding pride.


When you return
there are changes waiting
and the man you knew is transformed
body and spirit but still with childish soul
that he will plan the party with all family and friends
to introduce you to a place you always belonged.


There is no strength anymore
in hiding.


If I hide it'll only hide the affections you deserve
and to incise that I may forget
but my memory revolves around one last kiss
when I thought hiding emotion and keeping distance would help heal
but my lips ache to return what you gave to me
to lift you and lock this lock with key you hold.


There is no strength anymore
me at my best.


-Matthew Koutzun