Cutting Back the Crazy: A Run-on Thought for You

Cutting Back the Crazy: A Run-on Thought for You


I've never been insane.
Never thought I could be either.
I never thought anything could have hold or effect on me.
And then it did.
And then it hit.
And then I saw the things I was doing
but couldn't stop myself from doing them
because I was mad with desire
and happy ever afters
and holding things too tight
even thought I wanted them to fly
and still do
if they'd hover closely.
What hurts now most is knowing
that you and this is all worth it even more so
because I you do have hold and effect on me
something no one has ever had
and for you to have that is special
because it is rare my affection.
I want to replace those moments
the crazy ones where I was weak
with better ones where I was strong.
I'm being that now: strong-
hoping it will make up for the moments
I was on my knees
half delirious
and wishing touch mental divine.
I've been gaining my clarity back
and I wish you could see it.
How I don't crawl
but stand now wishing to meet you.
I'm not going to joke
and say I'm an adult,
because every time I do
the earth meets meets me there with another challenge
laughing as it knocks me to my feet.
So I'm going to rest in this humility
and see if this modesty of ego
will impress you
even though it's all really being done for me
I see the merit of doing things for myself now.
And in growing I hope you see the saplings maturing
and the flowers growing
and the image garden of me blossoming too.
Wander my paths
the bramble of madness has been cut back
and what's worth having a garden
if there is no one to show it.
I want to show it
my secret garden
just for you.


-Matthew Koutzun