The man I am

The man I am

I'm going to be a man again
on my own terms.
But-

Ok, enough...
let me start again...

I'm tired...
just tired...
tired of being not enough
and not enough of either...

I'm not one
or the other
or either
but am somewhere in the nigh-ther.

I know this way
being between car treads
will surely get me run over.

But left or right
when neither is truly right
that would be a consequence far greater.

-Matthew Koutzun

On Missing Someone you Never Knew

On Missing Someone you Never Knew

Today was hard.
Hard to stand and cope.
Sit and cope as well.
How to cry for a man you hardly knew?
But tears aren't there for him-
mostly for those who did love him.
I don't cry for those who leave.
I do for those who love
and are left behind.
To stand,
to sit,
to cope.
These are the ones I weep for.
For remembering connections between them can be hard.
Imagining the time spent
and the bonds formed,
even if they were not my own.

-Matthew Koutzun