Pieces

Pieces


Puzzles:
for the fool who won't give up
are the perfect distraction
for the fool broken hearted.


An exercise in their patience
to find each missing piece they seek
to create a whole
of something they pictured in their mind.


Finding missing pieces on the way
missing as many or as few
that may have strayed
hoping to use the fingers of a lover to fill them.


Puzzled:
the fool who won't give up
is the perfect state
when it's finally finished.


-Matthew Koutzun

Copy:Taken

Copy:Taken


Beauty:
what a wretched thing to lose
from face or from hand.


What ego built up
and knocked down
and what artistry painted
then thinned
and what style
from imitation is stolen.


-Matthew Koutzun

For Daddy

For Daddy


I know he's gone
and the space he left
has left space in you
you've filled
with your own thoughts
and mortality.


Our could've
would've
should of's
change little of our past.


You were there-
and on time-
although you don't think you were.


No one will blame you on your actions
and no one will blame you harder than yourself.


There is nothing you could do
with life so far gone
and someone with pride so deep.


You are glorious
and alive
and have youth and spry smile
and have those around you
you'll never lose.


Even if gone
you are remembered
always
just as you remember him.


You are not ever forgotten
in memories of backs
pressed together in bed
and in nighttime stories
and simple acceptance.


It's inevitable
we'll end
but it's inevitable
we're remembered.


-Matthew Koutzun

Held at Arms Reach

Held at Arms Reach


Sitting patiently with the treat
on my nose.
Hungry and able
but obediently waiting.


Tell me when.


Held at arms reach
but still I'm held.


-Matthew Koutzun

Worried Haikus

Worried Haikus


After disaster
rooting through the internet
to know you're alright.


Wish I could see you
to make sure absolutely
that you are still safe.


Please send a signal
even if warnings are stopped
I can't stop thinking.


-Matthew Koutzun

Untitled for L.

Untitled for L.


There is no strength anymore
not to love you.


I've tried parting paths
and knocking other's doors
but after those door opens
I quickly shut them
because doorways aren't always
doorways to you.


There is no strength anymore
for further disappointments.


This human race is failing
and there are few
coming close to placing as high on the pedestal
you climbed
please don't give up even though you've slowed your pace
the finish line is ever reaching but I'm running beside you.


There is no strength anymore
not to ache at night.


Not hold the pillow you slept on
and not to hide it from others because it's yours
because I pray you hear my goodnights
or at least know I say them only to you
as I crack and window and curtain
to keep an invisible thread to you uncut.


There is no strength anymore
in any distraction of you.


Resolute and statuary
to see absolute proof in absence
that the absence of you is deafening
and that the return I want slow
so we can ease back into us
and start something beautiful new.


There is no strength anymore
in fighting the truth.


That this isn't desperation
but the form of something special
that even others can't deny
that others speak of in jealous tones
and spite because you hold me from them
in my hopes of holding you.


There is no strength anymore
in holding pride.


When you return
there are changes waiting
and the man you knew is transformed
body and spirit but still with childish soul
that he will plan the party with all family and friends
to introduce you to a place you always belonged.


There is no strength anymore
in hiding.


If I hide it'll only hide the affections you deserve
and to incise that I may forget
but my memory revolves around one last kiss
when I thought hiding emotion and keeping distance would help heal
but my lips ache to return what you gave to me
to lift you and lock this lock with key you hold.


There is no strength anymore
me at my best.


-Matthew Koutzun

I Understand and I Wish to Continue

I Understand and I wish to Continue


Oh dramatic content
of pierced lip and not on face
and ebbing flow but not from river
I stand at your gates.


Delight
and pleasure
and grazing sinful strands
of hair matted curled forever.


I could say no
and save the hour
but saying yes and giving in
that is my own power.


I understand powerless
and wish entry sir
because I'm tall enough
to ride this ride.


Censor my ship
but not my mast
because once in
I have still an hour.


-Matthew Koutzun

Sonnet of the Cage

Sonnet of the Caged


Stuck in this cage
here at the zoo.
You are my only companion.


They brought us here
and locked us up
and you are the only one of my kind.


Any other place
in any other time
and we'd never match or fit.


But on top of you as I am
as they document us
I feel sweet connection relief.


So what if we have to populate this place
because we think there is none of our kind.


-Matthew Koutzun

Orbitals

Orbitals


Like hailey's comet
you've ruined me with your
distance brilliance.


They told me that to glimpse you
at least in once in life
was an accomplishment in itself.


They say you'll return
back home
because things are always orbital.


The draw of the sun
our distant star
they say these things are science.


Science scares me with facts
that the space is an unknown
and filled with bouncing radicals.


One ricochet
from some wayward rock
could send you out of sight forever.


The astronomers are assuring me it won't
but when you come back changed
from free radicals and blinding speeds-


I'm hoping I catch a glimpse of you again
and slow you down long enough
for a touch and pause.


Staring across an ocean
I wonder if like our star
I have gravity too.


-Matthew Koutzun

The Massage

The Massage


The old seafarer
sea bound and haggard
upon the water
creaking in danger
muscle relaxants
and topical oils
away from the loved ones
covered in boils.


Starchy hard fabric
bundled and held
scratching and tearing
never once did he tell.


Left off for years
never came home
till letters received
years to late and unknown.


He found it one day
in the papers he hid
he read it once back then
then locked the tight light


Now the message it spoke of
spoke of the way.


So he packed
and he drove
on the water
to home.


Opening the door
to all that he left
was one left behind
waiting patiently in bed.


So the man then unrobed
slowly undoing his clothes
and dropped them right down
callouses on the ground.


He got right in
to the clean covered sheets
and the one right beside him
straddled right on top of him.


Then they pulled out the oil
lathered their hands
and pushed firmly down
on the small of the back
and cracks that had formed
started to break
but the form they created
was never defeated.


He was the man that he was
nothing could change it
and he started to weep
because the pain was descending.


Nothing to change
only take away pain
and the man finally got
the message.


-Matthew Koutzun

Idol in my Eye

Idol in my Eye


Held at arms reach
come to grasp
and further than stretch


It's otherworldly
and misted and shroud
with beauty and technical pose


I want to attain
and touch and be form
and as long as I see it clearly
the more it eludes


So blur my eyes
and take hold of limb
and of stance and bow


I am spinning
vision distanced
and where am I?


Hands held at a distance
not mine
but theirs


-Matthew Koutzun

Resolute

Resolute


In this bed I'm resolved to stay
blankets covered
and your warm bare body beside me
half hidden in sheets
and half blinded by sun.


Bright skin and light eyes
dancing flecks on chick coloured hair
and pausing smirk lighting demons
and devils on fire.


Why food
and how shelter
if I'm in arms so warm?


I'm resolute to stay
even if just another day
before the world winds its way in
and we part for just a few.


Oh bed of twine grasping
and sleep bliss holding me down
how you've become physical
and material
in a shape of man.


-Matthew Koutzun

Play It For Me Once More Harvey

Play It For Me Once More Harvey


Oh, One True Love,
why does there have to be many?
I'm feeling things only felt for you
and my heart breaks
that I might break yours.


I can't move on
and yet I'm walking
creeping on things through doors
I found
and didn't think I'd need to find again.


And I tear
and crutch
as I'm down
and leapt
across away.


Fiddle-sticks;
picking up sticks
and mending
bird cages
that held a time.


Oh, One True Love,
there are many,
although you're gone
I'm finding few
who are true and love this one.


-Matthew Koutzun

Levity

Levity


There is a lightness in his step
and a chain on one foot
he is dragging and yanking as he walks forwards on air


Head in the clouds
and feet dangling down
he's flying so close to the ground.


Icarus could have learned something from him-
could have taken notes
or scribed on stone.


Because being so close to the middle
in constant love
yet alone.


Content in height
and in depth
he's making his way above and through crowds.


-Matthew Koutzun

Bestly Bottom-feeding

Bestly Bottom-feeding


Little apple
at the bottom of the pile
I know you are the best.


You are the reddest,
ripest, and readily 
the most delicious thing I have ever seen.


I know that if I take you
the rest above-
in your prim little pyramid,
are parading down too.


I've looked at all the others now
and none are as bold as you-
and I don't care what the grocer grumbles anyway.


But it's sadly true-
I haven't sampled you
and your skin could be a lie.


But here I go anyway
because I want you more
than the creaking consequence
of the ambling apples afterwards.


-Matthew Koutzun