Spider in my Eye Line

Spider in my Eye Line

Driving home,
spider in my eye line.
It crawls the dash
and stops periodically out of reach.

I want to hit it-
smash it
take it-
flick it out the window I just rolled down
and trash it.

But it's there plucking about
darting into vent and out
spinning web
down from dash to floor
and has vanished.

The night has darkened everything
and I've lost him from sight
only the light from head lights flashing
front to back
front to back
give me any light to the situation.

And staring to the floor mat I look up
having crossed a lane,
but it's 1:37 in the morning
and the cars are sparse
and sparser still
now that they've sped away
to get away from my
swerving discretion.

But the spider gone
is where everything else is found
because he is on me
I can feel him on me
or perhaps he's waiting next to me.

I feel tingle
and touch
on me
and in me
and my eyes strain darkness
to find the spider.

I want him there
an exact there
rather than an everywhere,
please, not everywhere.

I look up and focus
but hairy legs consume me
and my eyes are back on the floor
the dash
the clothing he could be tucked into
next to me.

But why am I afraid-
what harm could he do-
they say there is a spider
always three feet away from us at all times-

...
fuck, why do I have to think.

-Matthew Koutzun

Welcome Ghost;

Welcome Ghost;

Welcome ghost;
friend of mine-
ectoplasm spill
and sticky inside.

Welcome spirit;
past, but not gone-
you sit by the table
and sing old songs.

Welcome banshee;
screaming woe-
predicting death
and foretelling truth.

Welcome Angel;
gather with us-
relax and smoke
halos can be heavy.

Goodbye all;
the sun is rising-
we can't have others
knowing your splendor.

It'll ruin the surprise for us all.

-Matthew Koutzun

Filling up, Departing -or- When I'm Full- I'll Start Over

Filling up, Departing
-or-
When I'm Full- I'll Start Over

Looking inward
I splinter
too many tangents to follow.

Taking one,
I take another,
feeling the others following
and there are places I don't want them to go.

I slip past them,
tangling them in sunshine thought
or a gem of time
and occupied they leave me be
so I reach deeper.

Deeper delving
passing shelving of thought
departmentalized so I could find them and polish them
and put them back.
I have the worse with the best
and I told myself I'd clean them out and start over,
but just haven't had the time.

And I'm full
and cluttered, and sitting on the ground
the glass around me
I don't seem to know the good and which the bad.
I've pulled them out
out of sight
and I just checked my lists to see if I'm gonna be alright
tallying the moments I can't redefine.

And if I could change- would change - will change- can change-
and if I could earn back how people outside would
could feel
about the things
good
bad I hide
but I can't so I'll just start back over
and take my sweet time
because if the storage room is empty,
then baby, I'm not full,
so surely this must be gratitude for
it's the easiest way I'll go.

-Matthew Koutzun

Lover, the Lord Has Left Us

Lover, the Lord Has Left Us

Lover,
the Lord has left us;

turned his back on us

in ignorance,


so we may love;
in private.

-Matthew Koutzun

Inspired by the Album title "Lover, the Lord Has Left Us", by the band "The Sounds of Animals Fighting".

Land of Nod

Land of Nod

East of Eden
is the land of Nod.
Never knowing Eden,
we may never know Nod.

Held in chill
and in blankets plenty
Cain sat in soil.

Ended and tired
he looked back-
back over his shoulder.

What did he want?
What had he wanted?
Weren't they the same?

In the Land of Nod,
he found it too late
in sibling memory: being adored.

What care of pride?
What care of work?
What did they mean in the end?

East of Eden
is the Land of Nod
the place we go to
looking back to the Eden we had.

-Matthew Koutzun

The Fireworks and the Open Shutter Inferno

The Fireworks and the Open Shutter Inferno

Light
Set
Match
Flame
and the Inferno
ignited
and flared
and flown high
overhead.

And overhead
and in mind
I think to myself
camera in hand
and light
short but intense:
what if I could hold a moment
so rare
and quick
gone in an instant so fast,
just a short moment
my eye
a shutter
a shudder
held open
an inferno of light
and a moment
I could hold forever
like a streak
in the night
overhead.

-Matthew Koutzun