We've Lost What Meaning Your Thorns Had

We've Lost What Meaning Your Thorns Had

Kateri Tekawitha,
they've lost what it means.
They take cuts for pleasure
and use crucifix dildos in vain.

They laugh as they defile
the things you knew could save us.
Insert without meaning
and penetrate without thought
they claw for answers
but still don't understand your thorn cocoon.

Kateri,
I prayed in the bathroom stalls
as I read the writing on the walls
and hoped that God could- would change me.
I didn't want to be me
and I jerked myself so I could be closer to him
so my words could be heard clearer.
I rubbed myself raw
and began to cry in the shower
as the soap used for lubrication
and to cleanse
burned as I came on the floor.

One time it was the elixir of life
and I cupped it in my hands and almost drank of it-
licked it, to see if I could become immortal.
But I stopped, not because it was my own,
not because it would be wrong,
but mostly because I feared of living forever,
and perhaps that you had heard
and that maybe afterward I would be someone else-
maybe I'd be gone forever.

"Catherine",
how did you do it?
How did your skin go pale as snow?
Did the blood leak from you?
You did sew so many thorns in your blanket.
Or did he hear you?
Did he hear you?
I want to say he heard you-
want to say you were brave
and confronted your prayers.
But now I don't know,
the water burns my back,
as I try to clean what mess I've made on the shower floor;
oh, how you changed me.

-Matthew Koutzun