My Another New Year

My Another New Year

My another new year,
never comes on the thirty-first.
Although it comes every year,
it only comes to me,
in my own special way.

I thought hard
and angry
about why no one could
or would give me
the things I want the most.

Because I found myself wanting
and waiting
patiently
disappointed in everyone's actions
for themselves.

But waiting
silently waiting
I realized that no one of them
would
or could give me what I want.

Because I don't know what I want.

I thought it was material at times
and then wondered if it was physical
and then if it was emotional
and realizing all three
I had to hold it all back, and in.

I'm here for a short while
and the time I have is rare
to care about the small things,
although
they can and overwhelm me.

But here we go
again
it's my another new year-
full of empty canvases
with imagined rainbow wolves.

Because there is more I can give myself
playing in the real
and imagined
and the slightly absurd
in, and about, my new another new year.

-Matthew Koutzun

Untitled

Untitled

And you- what are you?
You don't look like any other vegetable I've found in my garden.
Nor fruit.
You. What are you?
Don't shy away.
You're dark and tough and not like the others.
But you're in my garden and that means you're mine just the same.
Does that make you feel good?
Does that make you warm inside?
I bet it does.
Do you wanna be with the others?
No,
Well we can sit here and wait till you're ready.
You need some time to grow?
Well don't we all.

-Matthew Koutzun

On the Edge of the Pool

Happy 3rd Birthday "Fine Imagery to Speak Low of"!

For those of you new, thank you for finding me. For those of you old, thank you for reading with loyalty (there are two of you). But the reality is that this is what I love to do, regardless of everything else, this is one of the things that keeps me present everyday: to know that maybe someone felt something or realized something or changed something, perhaps, from reading something, of mine. When you think about it, my blog is still a toddler!
So thank you for coming, send this to your friends and family! Who knows, maybe they'll like what they see!

On the Edge of the Pool

Dancing in the sun,
on the edge of the pool
a girl screams to her mother,
"Mommy- mommy!
Look at me!
Look at me!"

She jumps
head up eyes closed fist clenched
then fingering wildly flailing outwards
as if to catch some bar
some support
only to plummet down
beneath water tension
and legs kicking furiously up and out
hair spattered to face
mouth gapping for breath
saliva spitting out water.

She paddles looking about
eyes darting and flashing excitement
to the cataclysm she created.

On lookers smile at youth
old people fume wiping water off brow
and a mother chats with a friend.

The little girl gets out again
to walk in the sun
on the edge of the pool
to say,
"Mommy- mommy.
Look at me.
Look at me."

-Matthew Koutzun

On a Short Leash

On a Short Leash

On a short leash
getting shorter,
it's a tug here and a tug there
and I'm back in line.

They say the dogs at the store
they pick you,
So I guess I have no one to blame
but me in this case.

But on a short leash
getting shorter,
a quick snap here and a snap there
doesn't make my owner give any slack.

Because on a short leash
getting shorter
it's just tug here and smooth tug there
and I'm back in line, just like that.

-Matthew Koutzun

Shel

Shel

You may draw with chalk
to where the sidewalk ends,
and keep falling up
to make those ends meet,
and you can turn out the light in the attic
when all is lost.
But true love- true, true love,
(when only "V" could make it today)
is knowing when you're your best
even without your missing piece.

-Matthew Koutzun


I have a feeling this poem may change and lengthen in a few days time, but I just wanted to post it now... I don't know why I do these things I do- I just get excited!

Loving Dangerously Close to God

Loving Dangerously Close to God

Loving dangerously close to God
I'm walking fine water.
But what if I told him
I could not just walk on it,
but fly, because of you.

Wistfully cautious of you
I'm starting to be enveloped.
I'm going through radical changes
and heats of emotions:
flushes not tempered
I've never felt before-
or I've forgotten,
but it's even beyond creation.

But I'm loving you
dangerously too close to God.
Savior father-
bled on me,
one way or another.

-Matthew Koutzun

Stealing a Frame from the Reel

Stealing a Frame from the Reel

A live action feature
drawn out real slow,
with stop motion action
we'll put on our show.

Frame by frame magic
and sped up the same,
we'll blur all the lines
and watch us the game.

Clicking and clicking
and pose after pose
with time and with patience
the scene starts to grow.

So take this one instance
and pull it from scene
keep it deep in a pocket
so you'll know where we've been.

And when you watch it forward
and you see a space flicker,
you'll know you have something
from something much bigger.

-Matthew Koutzun

Found Long After

Found Long After

Left abandoned
wordless
and empty,
no thought has come here today.
It has mulled and stayed hidden
but etches on face
and dashes in fidgets.

Left wondering
waiting
and paitent,
no thought has come here today.
It peeked and ran
through mind and heart
but didn't dare press lips.

Left forgotten
mindless
and careless,
no thought has come here today.
I was meaning to stop by sooner
but thought wouldn't come
and form wouldn't come either.

Left abandoned found again.

-Matthew Koutzun

Untitled for a Reason

Untitled for a Reason

I was just realizing that I wasn't really horny-
just wanting to be horny.
Wanting to be attracted to something.
Wanting want and longing.

I didn't buy one yet,
because I'm waiting for the real thing.

Discriminating romance
in turn for the touching gain.
But I'm realizing I'm not horny-
I guess we'll have to wait.

-Matthew Koutzun

Epilogue to Disaster

Epilogue to Disaster

After the
crash bang boom and
clatter smash and tear
paper ripping
china breaking
and the car breaking down and
can't be repaired.
And the broken heater
and the futz wires
and the ground that engulfed the pond
and the shaking
from the quaking
from the thunders violent song.
And the racket
and the rain
and the stains that marked a blouse
and the rampage
and the carnage
of the zoo animals that can't be found.

And in the middle
there is silence
and we wait
to see if perhaps it's past.
Slowly moving with it
we worry we're in the eye.

-Matthew Koutzun

Hallway

Hallway

Done it millions of time over
down the river hallway,
nothing but bare feet and faith-
need it in this dark.

Hands feeling walls,
and feet bumping furnace.
There's a nervous notion
but safety when we remember.

It's life with destination,
near the end,
or cloaked in darkness doorways;
to the left or right.

But onward, straight we go-
silent, barefooted in the night.
Faith and cool wood boards beneath us
we're all gonna be alright.

-Matthew Koutzun

And he misses the point again

And he misses the point again

"Executive abilities in your make-up
will lead you to future success."
Hey, this fuckin' cookie called me a drag queen!

-Matthew Koutzun

No Caution

No Caution

I'm taking a step-
no- leap,
off the edge.
It's much more dramatic
and much more my style.

I've never been one for half-ways
or bi-ways-
Ok, that last one was a lie. Wink.
But the long way's suited me fine.

I've broken tape,
and marched the mile,
and done it all with smiles.
You'd never know never being there.

But I've thrown caution to the wind
and reeled it back again
holding it with me when it's needed
and letting go when it's dated.

But Wind, take it,
I don't need it long this time.
The ocean calling-
and dipping in, I am clean.

So take it from me.
I don't need no stinkin' Caution.
That's for babes.
I'll ride my Harley down the
5
0
1
and let adventure comb my hair.

And in the sun:
I'll tan golden,
leather sticking to skin.
Because I still have caution,
but only to keep alive and forever.

-Matthew Koutzun

Finally Something:

Finally Something:

It's a breakthrough
it's a moment
it's a minute space on clock.

It's a tempest
and it's roaring
and it's tearing through the hush.

It's a marvel
it's full of grace
it's my slow and even pace.

It's coming
and it's here
and it's whispered into every ear.

That it's finally made it
it's finally something
it's finally here to stay.

It's a feeling
it's my calm
it's the lulling of my hymn.

It's my prayers
come to life
and the accepting of a sin.
Oh, how to begin?

I guess I'll just have to.
The window's open.
The summer's breeze so nice.

-Matthew Koutzun

The man I am

The man I am

I'm going to be a man again
on my own terms.
But-

Ok, enough...
let me start again...

I'm tired...
just tired...
tired of being not enough
and not enough of either...

I'm not one
or the other
or either
but am somewhere in the nigh-ther.

I know this way
being between car treads
will surely get me run over.

But left or right
when neither is truly right
that would be a consequence far greater.

-Matthew Koutzun