She steps on Eyeglasses

She Steps on Eyeglasses

Criss- crunch

and on the bunch

she tore each frame from the wall

and stepped on the glass.

Rose
and teal
and tinted black
it wasn't enough for what she saw.

The receptionist screamed
and the doctors all panicked
as the girl booted and banged
each frame to the ground.

And then she stopped
as the second to last pair
were mangled
and distressed.

She had see
and now had seen
and now there was nothing
to help her now.

Not glass
or knife
could bring the world
back to focus.

-Matthew Koutzun

To the Feeler;

To the Feeler;

I've done what you're doing
and there's no need to fret
we've all confused feeling before.

You've been in one place so long
that coming out
you're going to experience a lot more.

I've had my ole' misery love
and I've had the taste of it true.

And with both of those
of the one I would choose
it's a bit of both
taking the best of one
and the longing of the other.


You've told me before you don't understand feelings
but look at you now,
ever the feeler,
you're the expert now
feeling the worst in yourself
and needing to find it in others
so you'll know you're not alone.

Look, he is sad like me,
he must be my soulmate.
The only people who understand me
are the ones with crushing despair.
Pity me and them,
we'll band together and throw a party
where we all cry
and spout deep ideas
for shallow people
confusing metaphors
and laughing at those who we think are beneath us
because they're positive.


So be it,
I can say we've all been there
but there is an after
and when you're there
I may be waiting-
but probably not,
because I'm on top of a world
and it may be my own
but it's happy
and content
and good things do happen
and people do treat me well
even though I may dwell at times on how they don't.


So take your age and fuck yourself
because you hold it like a lighted spire
to hold over others indefinitely
even though you know the torch is always passed to the youth.


Are you happy at my frustration?
Of my blowup?
Of my breakthrough?
Of a leaving you?
I bet not,
but I bet it'll be something you can
joyously
add to the bonfire "sadness" inside you.


Before the "feelings"
I rattled you
insulted you
insinuated about you
embarrassed you
and teased you
and was a lousy pig.
To see if I was like the other loves who destroyed you
if I'd be let into your heart
and the wondrously cruel thing
is I've never seen you more sexually charged.

You want to be hurt
and you don't want nice things
and you don't want to be helped
or you'd help yourself.

I can't help you-
I tried
I don't want to anymore
no wonder people want to leave you
and only hang on if they're on the guest list
for your pity party and misguided help.

Is this feeling enough for you?
Is it firm enough for you?
Is it everything you wanted and more?
Light a match and blow it out
or better yet
set yourself on fire
when you have nothing else to burn
because it's gonna be a cold night in Alaska
when the matadors call the bulls
and the horns spear and trumpet
for a new
glorious
and amazing day to come.

But forget all that-
it'll only be dark for you
and you can stare at your wall for three hours
before finding you have any self worth.

Congrats-
put on a party hat
and sleep.

-Matthew Koutzun

To the Enforcer;

To the Enforcer;

Oh, you dirty dog you.
I saw you eye me up on the way in
and don't think I didn't feel
the strings of longing you attached to me
snip
and snap back at you
as I severed them-
shutting with car door scissors.

After the Feeler had left
you showed your true colours
the ones you'd been showing with your eyes
not your touching feel.

I know you sir,
and I've played the game
but that's not to say I didn't have a good time
taking a round with you tonight.

Because Mr. Enforcer
with tease and cute torture
you touched and tried to force me to feel
and you tried to help me discover
what I already know
and seeing I knew you thought you could bust on through
without having a key to the door.

But Mr. Enforcer
as the doors one key holder
I can say you're attempts
were bold and were brave
but as I said to you both
in a letter before
you're confusing the touch
with the gain.

-Matthew Koutzun

To the Enforcer and the Feeler;

To the Enforcer and the Feeler;

There is an interesting way of feeling feeling
you may not have discovered yet.
You touch and caress but you missing some point.
Your idea to invoke a feeling on another when there may be be none
seems wrong to me-

But you're adamant you feel something.
and are laughing because you think I feel none-

because rather then get caught up in what you're trying to force upon me
I'm content in having my own.

You feel feeling has to be antagonistic
and the way you try now to manipulate what I'm feeling inside
is bordering on a battle
but why would I get frustrated and blow up at you?
Because that would mean a breakthrough in your eyes
someone feeling something other than what they just may be
just because it's negative.

I wonder how you're world is now
and how dark it really is
and if you really don't believe that one can be content
or live without strife for one part of life or a moment
and I feel something.

-Matthew Koutzun

Loving the Deep End

Loving the Deep End

Swimming in my trunks
they stick and suction to my legs
as I'm six.

A memory of the few I have
from that time
when I was six.

Feirmont Springs.
Hot though they were we stayed at the hotel pool
coolly swimming in the sun.

We'd sit in the grass
and eat fries
discussing how best to put the ketchup:

on the fries or on the side?

Here I had cotton candy ice cream
tasting nothing like it
but only of sugar and syrup.

But still I got and get it every year I go
even though I'm lactose intolerant now;
how age will deny you.

But at the pool in my swimming trunks
too long
and me jumping in the deep end to swim.

Doggy paddle none other.

My mom annoyed with me
trying to relax
I hanging onto her neck making her drown.

She would pull me off
and swim further and further
as I tried to swim and grab a hold.

But I would tire in the middle
and she would say not to be in the deep end
if I could not swim alone.

My head would depart under the water.

Her knees would bob me back up
and then she would assist me to the shore
and not long after I would do it again.

Looking back I don't know why
I kept going back
to drown and swim to reach her.

All I know now
is I swim the deep end alone
and I'll be here long after.

-Matthew Koutzun

Between Crossed Legs -or- Let me be a Sexist one more time

Between Crossed Legs
-or-
Let me be a Sexist one more time

Two pink lips
two inviting pink lips
parting the flesh sea
pearl oysters
and honey parade
speaking to me
horizontally
as we dance
oh we'll waltz
and jig the pieces
from your trees
picking such sweet fruit
from the other lips
that speak other sweet things
and some that are rotten naughty.

-Matthew Koutzun

The Meaning of Matthew

The Meaning of Matthew

So, I have something to tell you all.
This whole not hiding thing:
amazing.
It's like wrapping up something and opening it
except there is no surprise
or wrapping paper
just the gift
as it is
willing to see it as it is
and still be happy
that it is what it is.
I love my name.

-Matthew Koutzun


PS. this poem sounds like it's very self indulgent, but it's actually very freeing. If you don't know the meaning of the name Matthew look it up. Maybe you'll understand then.

My Another New Year

My Another New Year

My another new year,
never comes on the thirty-first.
Although it comes every year,
it only comes to me,
in my own special way.

I thought hard
and angry
about why no one could
or would give me
the things I want the most.

Because I found myself wanting
and waiting
patiently
disappointed in everyone's actions
for themselves.

But waiting
silently waiting
I realized that no one of them
would
or could give me what I want.

Because I don't know what I want.

I thought it was material at times
and then wondered if it was physical
and then if it was emotional
and realizing all three
I had to hold it all back, and in.

I'm here for a short while
and the time I have is rare
to care about the small things,
although
they can and overwhelm me.

But here we go
again
it's my another new year-
full of empty canvases
with imagined rainbow wolves.

Because there is more I can give myself
playing in the real
and imagined
and the slightly absurd
in, and about, my new another new year.

-Matthew Koutzun

Untitled

Untitled

And you- what are you?
You don't look like any other vegetable I've found in my garden.
Nor fruit.
You. What are you?
Don't shy away.
You're dark and tough and not like the others.
But you're in my garden and that means you're mine just the same.
Does that make you feel good?
Does that make you warm inside?
I bet it does.
Do you wanna be with the others?
No,
Well we can sit here and wait till you're ready.
You need some time to grow?
Well don't we all.

-Matthew Koutzun

On the Edge of the Pool

Happy 3rd Birthday "Fine Imagery to Speak Low of"!

For those of you new, thank you for finding me. For those of you old, thank you for reading with loyalty (there are two of you). But the reality is that this is what I love to do, regardless of everything else, this is one of the things that keeps me present everyday: to know that maybe someone felt something or realized something or changed something, perhaps, from reading something, of mine. When you think about it, my blog is still a toddler!
So thank you for coming, send this to your friends and family! Who knows, maybe they'll like what they see!

On the Edge of the Pool

Dancing in the sun,
on the edge of the pool
a girl screams to her mother,
"Mommy- mommy!
Look at me!
Look at me!"

She jumps
head up eyes closed fist clenched
then fingering wildly flailing outwards
as if to catch some bar
some support
only to plummet down
beneath water tension
and legs kicking furiously up and out
hair spattered to face
mouth gapping for breath
saliva spitting out water.

She paddles looking about
eyes darting and flashing excitement
to the cataclysm she created.

On lookers smile at youth
old people fume wiping water off brow
and a mother chats with a friend.

The little girl gets out again
to walk in the sun
on the edge of the pool
to say,
"Mommy- mommy.
Look at me.
Look at me."

-Matthew Koutzun

On a Short Leash

On a Short Leash

On a short leash
getting shorter,
it's a tug here and a tug there
and I'm back in line.

They say the dogs at the store
they pick you,
So I guess I have no one to blame
but me in this case.

But on a short leash
getting shorter,
a quick snap here and a snap there
doesn't make my owner give any slack.

Because on a short leash
getting shorter
it's just tug here and smooth tug there
and I'm back in line, just like that.

-Matthew Koutzun

Shel

Shel

You may draw with chalk
to where the sidewalk ends,
and keep falling up
to make those ends meet,
and you can turn out the light in the attic
when all is lost.
But true love- true, true love,
(when only "V" could make it today)
is knowing when you're your best
even without your missing piece.

-Matthew Koutzun


I have a feeling this poem may change and lengthen in a few days time, but I just wanted to post it now... I don't know why I do these things I do- I just get excited!

Loving Dangerously Close to God

Loving Dangerously Close to God

Loving dangerously close to God
I'm walking fine water.
But what if I told him
I could not just walk on it,
but fly, because of you.

Wistfully cautious of you
I'm starting to be enveloped.
I'm going through radical changes
and heats of emotions:
flushes not tempered
I've never felt before-
or I've forgotten,
but it's even beyond creation.

But I'm loving you
dangerously too close to God.
Savior father-
bled on me,
one way or another.

-Matthew Koutzun

Stealing a Frame from the Reel

Stealing a Frame from the Reel

A live action feature
drawn out real slow,
with stop motion action
we'll put on our show.

Frame by frame magic
and sped up the same,
we'll blur all the lines
and watch us the game.

Clicking and clicking
and pose after pose
with time and with patience
the scene starts to grow.

So take this one instance
and pull it from scene
keep it deep in a pocket
so you'll know where we've been.

And when you watch it forward
and you see a space flicker,
you'll know you have something
from something much bigger.

-Matthew Koutzun

Found Long After

Found Long After

Left abandoned
wordless
and empty,
no thought has come here today.
It has mulled and stayed hidden
but etches on face
and dashes in fidgets.

Left wondering
waiting
and paitent,
no thought has come here today.
It peeked and ran
through mind and heart
but didn't dare press lips.

Left forgotten
mindless
and careless,
no thought has come here today.
I was meaning to stop by sooner
but thought wouldn't come
and form wouldn't come either.

Left abandoned found again.

-Matthew Koutzun

Untitled for a Reason

Untitled for a Reason

I was just realizing that I wasn't really horny-
just wanting to be horny.
Wanting to be attracted to something.
Wanting want and longing.

I didn't buy one yet,
because I'm waiting for the real thing.

Discriminating romance
in turn for the touching gain.
But I'm realizing I'm not horny-
I guess we'll have to wait.

-Matthew Koutzun

Epilogue to Disaster

Epilogue to Disaster

After the
crash bang boom and
clatter smash and tear
paper ripping
china breaking
and the car breaking down and
can't be repaired.
And the broken heater
and the futz wires
and the ground that engulfed the pond
and the shaking
from the quaking
from the thunders violent song.
And the racket
and the rain
and the stains that marked a blouse
and the rampage
and the carnage
of the zoo animals that can't be found.

And in the middle
there is silence
and we wait
to see if perhaps it's past.
Slowly moving with it
we worry we're in the eye.

-Matthew Koutzun

Hallway

Hallway

Done it millions of time over
down the river hallway,
nothing but bare feet and faith-
need it in this dark.

Hands feeling walls,
and feet bumping furnace.
There's a nervous notion
but safety when we remember.

It's life with destination,
near the end,
or cloaked in darkness doorways;
to the left or right.

But onward, straight we go-
silent, barefooted in the night.
Faith and cool wood boards beneath us
we're all gonna be alright.

-Matthew Koutzun

And he misses the point again

And he misses the point again

"Executive abilities in your make-up
will lead you to future success."
Hey, this fuckin' cookie called me a drag queen!

-Matthew Koutzun

No Caution

No Caution

I'm taking a step-
no- leap,
off the edge.
It's much more dramatic
and much more my style.

I've never been one for half-ways
or bi-ways-
Ok, that last one was a lie. Wink.
But the long way's suited me fine.

I've broken tape,
and marched the mile,
and done it all with smiles.
You'd never know never being there.

But I've thrown caution to the wind
and reeled it back again
holding it with me when it's needed
and letting go when it's dated.

But Wind, take it,
I don't need it long this time.
The ocean calling-
and dipping in, I am clean.

So take it from me.
I don't need no stinkin' Caution.
That's for babes.
I'll ride my Harley down the
5
0
1
and let adventure comb my hair.

And in the sun:
I'll tan golden,
leather sticking to skin.
Because I still have caution,
but only to keep alive and forever.

-Matthew Koutzun

Finally Something:

Finally Something:

It's a breakthrough
it's a moment
it's a minute space on clock.

It's a tempest
and it's roaring
and it's tearing through the hush.

It's a marvel
it's full of grace
it's my slow and even pace.

It's coming
and it's here
and it's whispered into every ear.

That it's finally made it
it's finally something
it's finally here to stay.

It's a feeling
it's my calm
it's the lulling of my hymn.

It's my prayers
come to life
and the accepting of a sin.
Oh, how to begin?

I guess I'll just have to.
The window's open.
The summer's breeze so nice.

-Matthew Koutzun

The man I am

The man I am

I'm going to be a man again
on my own terms.
But-

Ok, enough...
let me start again...

I'm tired...
just tired...
tired of being not enough
and not enough of either...

I'm not one
or the other
or either
but am somewhere in the nigh-ther.

I know this way
being between car treads
will surely get me run over.

But left or right
when neither is truly right
that would be a consequence far greater.

-Matthew Koutzun

Ouch

Ouch

You slapped me once like this before,
but the pain was here, (points to face),
not there.

I've been called many things you know,
none of them true,
those are the best kind; easily forgotten.

But I dared you to give it deep,
after I had given you your lashing,
and stood defiant, and proud, above you.

But how beneath you I am now,
because of the things you say,
too close to the truth.

-Matthew Koutzun

Personal Prose

Personal Prose

Who knew making friends would be hard?
Back 15 years ago, you'd set us down and we'd just start running around; playing pretend, beating each other, slapping a ball with a stick, and we'd be happy. We'd connect.

Now you can't even get me to talk in a crowded room to a stranger. I've been dropped in the sandbox, but no one pretends, or slaps sticks, or even beats me. When did it get so hard?

I'm smiling. I'm sure someone's bound to notice I'm searching. I have to be that desperate if I'm smiling and trying to make eye contact even with the recluse who would rather sit alone.

I've tried. Really. And almost had a bite too. They come, or I go there. And a good time takes place. But afterwards there are no calls. I guess that's people being nice. I'd hate to receive the bad news as the gospel truth as much as they refuse to preach it.

Stranger in a foreign land they say. Except I don't know any of it even when it's my own.

-Matthew Koutzun

Junction

Junction

On the corner
of time and space
we sat
and watched the cars go by.

Red and Green the lights changed
and halted distance first
and then alternating
to stop the minutes on our left.

We smiled and knew that these things
the ones we have together
are all about timing
the meeting of space and time.

If it had been any other corner
I don't think we would have been.

But here we are at the corner of now
and that place,
you know the one,
the one we'll talk to others about in the future.

-Matthew Koutzun

Seated in the Chair at table 5

Seated in the Chair at table 5

What will I be
when my body's failed me
When I cannot do
what needs to be performed
and cannot raise my arms
to be heard?

Will I fear
my body's ailing
settle into a darkness
of cold and extreme heats
inner fear?

What if my mind should go?
And the days ache long
and I can never remember when I've slept
and the people I remember have left me
though still beside me
and I perceive I'm all alone?

What shall I do?
Will I sink into silence?
Will I meet the weak like myself
and band together in loneliness' spite?

Who can fear the reaper
when and if my body's failed me
before I go?

-Matthew Koutzun

Skin Series 4: Skinned Alive and out the Window

Skinned Alive and out the Window

Here I am in you.
Ready to finally see you.


I took my sweet time:
concealing
manipulating
and recoiling you.
But perhaps I'm ready or not-

here I come.

Touch and scratch
and mark and taste
and squeezed
too pressed
and bit with ease.

Oh, I'm aiming too hard again
and missing some point or target
on the horizon-

line to be checked and crossed.

Here is where it happened.
.I am not my cells.

Evaporating slowly
I am dissolving
in air solution
and in CO2 problems.

I am not with you anymore-
happy because I never was
or will.

Holding me down,
I leap outside
baring all while wearing none.
I'll leave the skin behind.

-Matthew Koutzun

Skin Series 3: The Sin has Come and Gone

The Sin has Come and Gone

Darling,
all the vanity has left me.
Promise.
I'm not the man in the images I've made;
just shape
pretending form.

Pride the manifestation of dignity
and vanity all the appearance of it,
or so my better half Mr.Darcy was complimented.

Please forgive me.
I call to you,
on edge of frame.
Please forgive me.

I took them off
and went too far
I'm trying to give you everything
without exposing it all.
Can't you see?
I'm altering image and shape
to try and show you truth.

Darling,
one more try
these flaws are mine.

-Matthew Koutzun

Skin Series 2: Sloth and another Sin

Sloth and another Sin

Look-it darling
I did it
done it
was it
for me.

Slow majestic
touching wasted
and I slid them off
to see it all.

What beauty I am.
Look,
don't blush-
look at me.


Free and exposed in the darkroom.
Red light on; to warn and call you in.


Darling look-it
what I've stretched.
And what's carved of me
I give to you.
Bask in it:
glory,
can you feel it?

It comes through pore
and image.

-Matthew Koutzun

Skin Series 1: Skin

Skin

Pliable
stretched taut
and smooth demanding.
Firm
tight bonded
and calm commanding.

Can I sit in you comfortably
to see without wanting to change
accept and know you can mold.
I'm learning you take attention
how a simple shift can take all eyes upon you
and a look can invite or dispel.


I'll open soon to you baby.
Once I find the strength to shed these clothes around you.
It's a task to just be alone here.


You're on me-
yet not.
I can't find you with me.

-Matthew Koutzun

Change

Change

I reckon it's about time.

-Matthew Koutzun

Holding in Arms

Holding in Arms

Do you really care for me?
Or am I dreaming?

Shhh, or else you'll wake the both of us.

K, is this better?

Much.

Are you're eyes closed?

Yes.

Mine?

How am I to know?

True.
So, are we? Am I-
Dreaming?

Depends.

On what?

On what you want.

-Matthew Koutzun

"I wanted to contact you..."

"I wanted to contact you..."

Before I'm old and Jaded?
Then I guess you missed the boat.
I may not be old- and may not be jaded, 
but the naivety cloak has a worn hole 
5 feet wide 
and I've stepped through the looking glass
fallen
4 stories 
and several tall tales to the ground below.
The rabbit dusted me off
and took me on the journey back home
only to have his head cut off
and be replaced by the Cheshire cat
who always leads the way.

Green pill
blue pill
who is to know
or choose?
If I knew I wouldn't be here would I
but if it's all just a black screen with numbers and code
don't you think ole' Bill G would be the first to know?

But back to me.
What do you want to know?
My age?
location?
Or how far I can go?

Well, the last is easy.
From here to there.
But how I get there
is what must be taken with care.
Because there is there
and that's not here-
and here is here
and here is where I am not there
Let me stress that I'm not there
and that I'm here.
Let's just get it straight I'm here
not there
and that to get me there is
hearsay and theresay
and the hard way is usually the way
because no way with me to get there
has ever been easy.
This last verse is here-
not there-
to prove it.

-Matthew Koutzun

This poem is fairly sprawling but I like it.  
I've also changed the font to manipulate the feeling.  
I hope it works.

One Handed Books for Two Fisted Men

One Handed Books for Two Fisted Men

Read like a novel
but spoken like a poem
here's the one handed book
for two fisted men.

Taken up in private
and held stiff - pages crisp
here's the book for one hand
for the men with two fists.

Broken in sweat
and soaking just right
here's to aggression and anger
and forcing it tight.

Here's to moments of pleasure
in finding sweet pain
of knowing your own secret
and reading it again and again.

Here's to the one handed book
for two fisted men
it's read by few
but it's read again and again.

-Matthew Koutzun

Across a Mountain range I'm Moved

Across a Mountain range I'm Moved

I cry for someone else in love.
I feel fear and disappointment and am moved.

I see future glimmer and I hope.

I touch opportunity's fissure and I shiver.

I love for not need or want,
but in hoping for another.

Maybe this is turning over.

Leaves fall from the tree out side

although it's the beginning of summer,

I feel the season changing.

-Matthew Koutzun

ADULT Supervision

ADULT Supervision

I'm under house arrest again.
Locked in and out from contact.
I need my adult supervision
or I'm gonna get in contact with old sources.

Slippery slope,
I've met you,
climbed you,
now I feel like sliding back down.

It's funny because I get so serious about it all
seriously think I'm the victim and play dumb
and when I think about how I really was
I see the humour in playing the game.

Who was I fooling? Fooling myself.
Not even I, because look I've caught me.
I'm under house arrest again, needing supervision
because the phone is off the hook
and the internet is connected
and I'm searchin' for old sources in the yellow pages
and directories online.

"I'm sorry so-and-so, forgot your name once I left you.
That's good you're doing well and your kids are doing fine.
That's great you're back on track- pity that-
no, never mind, it's nothing. Me? I'm doing nothing.
Just sitting in a bath tub bathing- maybe misbehaving.
Over in an hour? Better shower."

Click, whip, and skip the messages on the phone
as I hang up and forget they're coming over.
Maybe they'll meet each other downstairs-
I've only called a few from the past;
maybe them all.
And they can all look at each other and after an hour
realize how pathetic they really are.

"Hey, boys and girls!"
I'll shout from my window as they walk away,
"I'm really not that bad- you know how good I am,"
as one flips me the finger,
"you know I know what to do with that!"
and off they are again away.

But none of that's happened
no evil happy after
only sitting and waiting for anyone of them to show up
cause I'd be grateful.
I'll take the slope I know,
it's better than the devil I don't.
And we all know the devil we're after.

Now take me on in
give me adult supervision
spy me up and down
and see past the grin.

-Matthew Koutzun

My Prayer of Absolution

My Prayer of Absolution

Our Father
who art in heaven
please forget my prayers.

I've said so many
and even though they have not come yet,
I fear for if they do.

Most are selfish
or are for others
and not what they might want anyways.

I'm afraid
that they'll come,
that I'll have to confront them:

The dirty ones I've asked of you.
Why did I have to believe in you like a lover?
Friends could have just been fine.

But no,
I believed in you like an invisible hand;
one that strokes behind the answer curtain.

So please God, forget my prayers,
even this one,
lets start fresh.

I've taken to sleeping
forgetting to ask for forgiveness
in hopes you'll forget just the same.

I've taken to dreaming
to stop me from scheming
from praying for things we don't need.

-Matthew Koutzun

We've Lost What Meaning Your Thorns Had

We've Lost What Meaning Your Thorns Had

Kateri Tekawitha,
they've lost what it means.
They take cuts for pleasure
and use crucifix dildos in vain.

They laugh as they defile
the things you knew could save us.
Insert without meaning
and penetrate without thought
they claw for answers
but still don't understand your thorn cocoon.

Kateri,
I prayed in the bathroom stalls
as I read the writing on the walls
and hoped that God could- would change me.
I didn't want to be me
and I jerked myself so I could be closer to him
so my words could be heard clearer.
I rubbed myself raw
and began to cry in the shower
as the soap used for lubrication
and to cleanse
burned as I came on the floor.

One time it was the elixir of life
and I cupped it in my hands and almost drank of it-
licked it, to see if I could become immortal.
But I stopped, not because it was my own,
not because it would be wrong,
but mostly because I feared of living forever,
and perhaps that you had heard
and that maybe afterward I would be someone else-
maybe I'd be gone forever.

"Catherine",
how did you do it?
How did your skin go pale as snow?
Did the blood leak from you?
You did sew so many thorns in your blanket.
Or did he hear you?
Did he hear you?
I want to say he heard you-
want to say you were brave
and confronted your prayers.
But now I don't know,
the water burns my back,
as I try to clean what mess I've made on the shower floor;
oh, how you changed me.

-Matthew Koutzun